someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
