New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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