I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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