I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
