I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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