the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
vagina is talking i cant
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
