When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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