Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize