that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
