I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
