I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
