I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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