Non-Jews are for practice
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we should paint friendship bongs
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