i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
