Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
