did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
