I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
