you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
