I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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