I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
