omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
