Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
