how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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