And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
