My friends, they love my intelligence
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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