Umm I'm too high to move.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
