I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
