Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
