note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
