Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
