I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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