She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
