If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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