Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
me + whiskey = a bad person
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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