The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
