is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
