I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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