He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
