screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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