I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
