If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
