just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
NoShamevember. You game?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
