you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
