Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
