Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
