i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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