I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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