You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
