i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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