Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar

(651): View more from Minnesota

If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either

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(805): View more from California

we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home

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(847): View more from Illinois

well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."

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(443): View more from Maryland

Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?

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(217): View more from Illinois

Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized

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(519): View more from Ontario

I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.

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(954): View more from Florida

I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!

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