Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
