Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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