You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
