I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
