I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize