time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
