I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
