Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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