ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
