When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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