you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
