Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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