What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I faked an abortion last night.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My life is pants optional.
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