You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
