Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
