I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
