I just threw up on my dentist
I skipped work to stalk him.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
