I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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