There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
