I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think my vagina is haunted
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
