and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
