so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
