he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
