News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
