Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
