If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
