Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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