I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
