He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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