Four minutes until I can fart!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
