I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
