Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
